12.28.2009
25 things to remember for your next 48 hours of retail shopping. Kudos to my buddy Martk T aka muziqlover for writing this up.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009 at 1:00am
Top 25...
1. "Credit Only" means we don't take cash, food stamps, or rocks.. Nor do we issue credit, it means "Credit Only", as in cards.. don't be stupid.
2. No we don't have 4 copies of a Christmas Carol on DVD.... it's 3 days before Christmas, how long were you planning on waiting to watch it?..
3. Justin Bieber is not "Justin Beaver", if you don't know his last name, you shouldn't be buying his CD.
4. There is one line, as in ONE line, not 3, or 4 or 6... it's a not a free for all kids, we just don't pick people at random as if it's a dating game.. get on line, don't make us choose the hot chicks or old people first...not that I would pick the hot chick… unless she was really really hot.. and then in that case, I would do it, just to get her out of the store…I’ll stop now…
5. Yes, we will give you a bag that's not see-through for your porn magazine purchase, you don't have to lie and say it's a gift for someone you are shopping with... be proud of being a pervert.. wear your pervert on your sleeve…
6. It's Lady GAGA, not "That Gaga Lady"...see rule # 3....
7. Please try to refrain from asking us/me what I thought of Santa's Buddies or G-Force, do you really think I've seen it, or would share my honest opinion with you? (G-Force was awesome by the way)
8. Don't come in and expect me to know which Composer did this Symphony in G-Minor while under water and humming Wagner.. and then treat me like a second hand peasant for not knowing... You try and remember half the shit we do, and then get back to me, you arrogant jerk... don’t be that classical customer..
9. Everyone appreciates it when you compliment them for doing a good job, try it, you'll feel better about yourself…1 in 25 customers ask ME, “how are you doing today”.. take note though, don’t ask me in the next 5 days.. you won’t wanna know..
10. Don't ask me if I know that song, you know, on the radio, the one with Love in the title, it goes like "la la la love"... YOU KNOW IT? no, I don't... smack…
11. If you have to ask us if Blu-Ray works in your DVD, then my first reaction would be.....no... since you asked..
12. In regards to # 11, I don't know what kind of TV you have, or if you can hook up a Blu-Ray player to it, I haven't been to your house last I checked... and no, I can’t fix your DVD player as well… wanna come to my house and do my laundry?
13. We close at 11:00pm ...not 11:10, not 11:15, not 11:16... please don't ask if you can look around for a few more minutes for a gift for your sick Auntie.. we want to go home to at some point... just like you..
14. Yes, it's cheaper at Amazon, Target, Best Buy, Stop and Shop, Kohls, and maybe 10 more stores.. but you are here now, at my register, and ready to pay, why are you telling me this now? We know, we heard, we got it...enough already...
15. Customers at Cafe should know what they want, BEFORE they get to the register.. why are you deciding when you are in front of me, on the phone, and wasting my break with your indecision's...move along, and let's GO already.
16. If you have to do an online reservation for Susan Boyle, you shouldn't be allowed to listen to music... we have enough in stock to make enough cup coasters for every man woman and child on the east coast.. and while I’m on the subject of online reservations, it’s almost 2 days before Christmas, WHY DO YOU WAIT UNTIL NOW TO DO THIS?... (the caps symbolize me shouting for those not in the know)
17. Yes, Susan Boyle has the voice of an angel.. exactly which angel has yet to be determined.. and please stop referring to her as some godlike creature.... she'll be a cutout in about 6 months.. (but thanks for the sales Susan, I LOVE YOU)
18. Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift are not the same person.. write it down.
19. If you have to ask, "what's a good Jazz CD", you shouldn't be listening to jazz. Stick to Kenny G, and tell your friends how awesome he is.
20, No, we don't have the Avatar DVD...it’s still playing across the street,…
21. No, you can't combine 6 coupons together...nor 5… nor 4…
22. The bathroom is down the hall, to the right…the bathroom is down the hall, to the right… the bathroom is down the hall, to the right… the bathroom is down the hall………………….
23. Six 15 year kids don’t intimidate us, we may be older, but will still kick your ass out of the department. Go hang out at 7 Eleven, down by the river….
24. We promise not to come to your house/apartment and throw shit everywhere without a care in the world, please respect our house too… it’s common courtesy…
And finally Number 25..
Everyone should work retail at least once in their lives..
It will give you all the understanding of what it’s like to be out there, doing the things we all do for you, and the hard work it takes just to make your lives easier.
Pay attention, don’t ask stupid questions, and don’t be that guy/girl.
Or you’ll end up on my list next year.
Happy Holidays..
Really, I mean it..
Ya jerkface.
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